Mexican Ketchup

Friday mornings, I treat myself to a nice breakfast (usually I just have something simple like a bagel, cereal or piece of fruit) but it's the end of the week and I get a treat for making it a whole five days without killing anyone or going completely bat shit crazy (always thisclose).

One of my favorite breakfast treats is an egg white omelet with Swiss cheese, tomato, avocado, and bell peppers. I always ask for salsa with my eggs, the ladies know my meal requests because I'm basically a creature of habit.

Also, as I've said before the cafeteria food kind of sucks so my favorites are mostly of a process of elimination. "Favorites" is a relative term here, obviously.

Anyways, when I made my usual salsa request she had something special for me today. "Do you want real salsa," she asked, "or Mexican ketchup?"

Mexican ketchup? I love that crazy chicka.

By the way she was not kidding about the real salsa. It's wicked hot.

Cheesus

He has risen!

I forget the terminology, but essentially our brains are hard-wired to turn objects into something recognizable. It has something to do with how our eyes process images, so we turn random shapes like clouds into bunny rabbits. Or Cheetos into Jesus. Cheesus!

Anyways, some dude thinks this tasty snack has taken the form of Christ.

To me, it looks like a lump of yummy goodness. I love Cheetos. If Cheesus appeared in my snack pack, I'd never know. I tear open the bag and pour them down my throat. It's still a religious experience.

An Easter treat, indeed.

Crazy Hat Lady

I hardly ever drive with my windows down but I was doing so the other day; stopped at a light, watching traffic in the opposite direction. When I turned around, this English lady wearing an absolutly ginormus red hat had popped her head into my car -- to ask directions.

She could have reached in and taken my bag, or stabbed me in the chest. I was oblivious.

"Oooh!" she said in her big accent, "Didn't mean to startle you, but is Sunset this way?" Which sounded like, "Ewwwww! Sowwy to stahtle oue, bhut es Sunesit thes whey?"

It turned out she was rather lovely, but I almost punched her in the face. Survival instinct.

LOL My Cat

ROFLbot :: Add text to any picture, without using Fireworks or Photoshop.

If by now you haven't belly laughed at LOL cats then you must have been living under a rock. Srsly.

It's a simple idea -- taking a picture of a furry friend and adding a funny caption -- yet also equally genius.

As usual, I'm a day late and a dollar short, meaning I'm barely squeezing in an update for my Blog 365 goal of a new post every single day. So today you get cats. LOL cats. Njoy.

Think you're a witty kitty? ican... also has a tool you can use to submit directly to their site.

Definitely

I absolutly love that some word nerd dedicated an entire Web site to the correct spelling of definitely.

The irony that one must spell that word correctly to access the site makes me LOL. Yah, I'm a geek. In sexy disguise. Definitely.

BRB -- The Building is on Fire

As you can see from the size of the response truck the Paramount lot sent over, we were in immediate danger. Of laughing our asses off.



Initially there were reports of smoke in the air ducts over in the tape vault, but nobody really paid attention because that's clear on the other side of the studio. Then somebody said the roof was on fire. We're the media and everyone is used to everyone else being over dramatical -- therefore the entire staff continued to work away at their stations.

Meanwhile, I was also typing away with my buddy Christopher via IM. Suddenly, we were being ushered from the building, security rushed in and got all serious. I did kind of smell smoke.

I sent a quick message saying, "BRB -- the building is on fire."

Nothing to panic about. Besides, I'm never too quick to react to reports of a fire. I'm such a flamer I've been known to set off an alarm or two.

The Real Guy is Real Average

This site hasn't had any cock in awhile, so I thought today's post would feature a little dick.

Little being a key word here. The Real Guy Doll is sporting some real average wood. Plastic, whatever.

I'm not exactly what to make of this. Size isn't everything -- it's not like I'm going to blow the real doll guy -- but these life-size sex dolls are rather expensive. All I'm saying is if I paid $6,000 for a silicone boyfriend, I'm paying by the inch, not centimeter. I'd expect a little more bang for the buck. Wait, is he battery operated?

Unclear. However, I think this next picture -- possibly the most hilarious, non-sexy thing I’ve ever seen -- perfectly sums up the real doll guy's function:Stick it in! At least we know he takes it like a man, without a whimper.

I’m one to really try and think out a situation, but I’m honestly a little stumped by this trend. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some little Miss Priss in the bedroom. Bring on the handcuffs, blindfolds and vibrators. Accessories are fun.

Still, the idea of sticking my dick in a jack-off sleeve, pocket pussy, whatever, just seems a little unnecessary. Fucking an inanimate object doesn’t turn me on. Without any need for those types of toys, it’s difficult to even theoretically ponder an upgrade to a life size silicone human. But whatever floats your boat, I suppose.

Personally, even drunk and desperate, I’d rather take matters into my own hands.

Link Lust

Trend: Douche Bagging

Shop: Spanglish T-Shirts

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Giggle: Wow, I guess you really can set a fart on fire